fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
