How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
