You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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