Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
