And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
