a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
