so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
