In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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