WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And then he peed in my hair
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