No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
