Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
