Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
