She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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