***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
