boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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