Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
