what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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