Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
