her vagine was all disorganized.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
