I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
