Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
