Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
