Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize