he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
