Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
