she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
