WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
