I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
