Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
