Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
