I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
