I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
