why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
