yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
