I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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