I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
