so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
