my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize