Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
