From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
