Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
