Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
