I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
