I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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