# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish I only lived at night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
