the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
