Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
