dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
