Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
