I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
