Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
