carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
