The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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