'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
