We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
