her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
