why didn't you poke me back
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
