omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
