Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
