so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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