You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
