all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
