We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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