Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
