She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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