i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
